They sent an e-mail to all of us lifers about “Lifetime Perks” this week. I don’t feel so perky all of a sudden. Here’s why.
(E-mail from Cryptic to All Lifers)
Exclusive In-Game Chat Channel
Talk shop with other Lifetime Subscribers. Share thoughts and ideas about the game, or anything else.
Umm…why would anyone care about a special chat channel when you can essentially create your own anyway? That isn’t a perk, it’s nonsense. I didn’t pay $250 for a special chat channel, I paid for GOOD perks. How about something along the lines of closed access to Tribble? We paid the money, why not let us have VIP only access to the test shard?
Waiting isn’t fun, and we don’t think you should have to do it. Any time the server is queued, you’ll go to the front of it.
Ok, so this is slightly redeeming and resembles what it means to be a lifetime subscriber. Move over sub-fee hounds, I paid my ticket in advance. Can you say VIP?
Visibly show off your support.
I do that every time I blog here or broadcast on Subspace Radio. Again, I didn’t pay all that money for an in-game title. I paid for access to the game whenever I want, for however long I want. Come on Zinc, tell your boys to get creative here! This isn’t a perk, it’s a joke!
In-Game VIP Lounge
Spend time in an exclusive area inside the game. This social area is limited to Lifetime Subscribers only.
I have a VIP lounge…on Sword of Kahless’ TeamSpeak. It’s called The Imperial Sanctuary. Although this is a cute idea (about as cute as a Pakled holding a Tribble actually) the social aspect of the game has yet to be discovered. I can’t go on Risa without being shot if I’m on my Klingon. Does that mean in this lifers only club I’ll get shot too because I’m not on a Fed toon?
A Unique Costume Piece
Show off your lifetime status in style.
I have the bloodwine toast emote already. Unless you have an Aldeberan whiskey or Saurian brandy emote, I’ll pass. Now if I can walk around with my bloodwine stein in hand, that would be ownsauce. Otherwise, scrap this for something important.
All in all I’m disappointed in Cryptic’s choices for what they consider “lifetime perks” and I feel this is something that they could have offered to just about anyone. Based on this alone, I don’t feel like a lifetime subscriber should. I should feel like a rock star. I should have my ass kissed every time I log into STO. And when I log off, I should get a naked Orion slave girl that says, “See you next time Kahless. I’ll be waiting.”
Next blog, I’ll review STO: Season One…and hope to God this lasts longer than 7 seasons.
Kahless is the host of the “Klingon Invasion” on Subspace-Radio.net as well as the clan leader of Sword of Kahless, a multi-gaming crew with a Star Trek theme.